Patterns

It is amazing how we pattern our lives to live like our parents and grandparents. We observe their behavior, their traits, their ideals, discard that which we do not like and mimic those which we admire. There are traits that we do not admire yet we do not discard them. Often child abusers have been themselves abused and alcoholics have had an alcoholic parent. There are traits that we do not admire and do not mimic but later in our lifetimes, we come to the realization that they were correct.

My Father, William, was a strong individual with strong convictions. He insisted that I attend Baltimore Hebrew College after Bar Mitzvah. I did not have the basics for it and failed miserably after one year. He relented. He insisted that I attend University of Maryland, School of Pharmacy. I hated it; did well, finished the year but I hated it. Therefore I did not insist that my children attend college and stay there. Fortunately, they all turned out well, very well. But I should have insisted. He was generous with his time and his material possessions. Family was very important to him and we had relatives living with us, at no cost to them, until I was 13 years old. My grandmother and two maiden aunts had to go so my father and Uncle Dave rented and apartment for them and later bought a duplex on Wylie Avenue for them. He insisted that we children contribute to the household. I did not get paid for cutting the grass! Sound familiar?

William was honest. During World War II, he was manager of the Baltimore branch of the Independent Lock Company which manufactured locks and keys. They were in very short supply during the war, and he was offered bribes to sell them more than they were entitled to. He did not and sold the products evenly. Many times he stopped at a hardware store on his way home to adjust a key cutting machine at no cost to the hardware store. He was active in his synagogue, first Petach Tikvah on Denmore Avenue and then Beth Jacob. He gave ten years as a volunteer to Bais Yaacov School for Girls on Greenspring Avenue. My Mother, Esther, volunteered at Sinai Hospital, first on Baltimore Street and then on Greenspring Avenue for many, many years. (Ask Harry Zemel). She rode three different streetcars to get to Baltimore Street.

Many lessons my parents taught me stick in my mind. “If you are going to do something, do it right. It is no easier if you do it wrong.” “Do a little more than the boss expects you to do.” “Do not say or do something if it does not accomplish anything and self-satisfaction is not an accomplishment.”

My parents were thrifty. They were able to spend their retirement years without seeking financial help from their children.

So look at your parents and grandparents. You will eventually be their age and have similar circumstances. You will have a pattern to guide you; to mimic or reject.

Choose wisely.