Appointments

Yesterday I went to the auto dealership to get some maintenance work done. (Of course I had a coupon; two, in fact). When the service writer asked if I had an appointment, I replied, “Son, I’m 90 years old. I don’t make appointments anymore.”

Life with Marcie

Today I received a DVD of Momma's funeral service. I listened carefully to the words of Rabbi Wohlberg, Alex and Amy. They talked about Momma, the kind of person she was. During our 65 years together, I never thought about that. We just lived our lives. I suppose it is like when you go on a trip or you go on vacation. Once you come home and think about it, you remember the enjoyment you had and you enjoy it over and over again. I cannot count the times that I have fondly remembered the trips we took to Israel, the many times we went to Chicago and Reno. I recall sneaking Emily to Burger King and sleeping in the motel office when we went to visit Lauren at camp. I remember taking Sheri and Lauren to Penn Dutch country to ride that old train from Intercourse to Paradise. So many memories and each one sweeter than when we actually did them.

So it is with our marriage; the great things, the good things and the not-so-good things. That first night we slept in the apartment over the store at 238 South Stricker Street, Risa in her carriage and Momma and I on a blanket on the floor; Larry and Arnold's bris in that same apartment. The move to 1512 McHenry Street when we outgrew the apartment with the birth of Marc and Phyllis. The trip to St. Agnes Hospital with Larry in my arms when he was hit by a car. The many meals Momma cooked and served at 1512 and thereafter. The fire at 1512. So many great, good and not-so-good things.

Now, sixty-five years later, our children are married and they have children of their own who have children. And then our other grandchildren will marry and have children. I have thought of some, not all, of the reasons that we have had such a good life and I will share them with you. Between Momma and I there was unconditional trust and loyalty. We knew that we could count on one another no matter what. We talked to one another, openly and candidly, and listened to what the other said. We were optimistic and had a positive attitude which gave us the strength to overcome the not-so-good things and obstacles that we encountered. We agreed that our primary goal was to raise good children and we certainly did that!

There will come a time when our grandchildren will marry. We hope that you find a mate such as Grandma and I found. In addition we wish you several other things. We wish that you have many children and grandchildren who actually like their siblings and cousins. We wish you enough wealth to accomplish what you want to accomplish and to live the life that you want to live. With these things Grandma and I know that you will lead wonderful lives, it worked for us!

When you find and marry your mate I may not be here to send you a card. I would like you to keep this writing and when that time comes, read it. And if I am here, I will write on the card, "See Life With Marcie."

– Addendum –
I wrote this at three o’clock in the morning but that is no excuse. How could I? How could I omit Lauren’s beautiful words at the funeral service. I am so sorry. I am so sorry.

Advice

I learned much from my parents simply by observing them in their daily lives. But when I started my first job 70 years ago at Schreiber’s Food Market, my father gave me two pieces of advice. I pass them along to you knowing that many of you have put them into practice many times.

If something is worth doing, do it right, do a little more than is expected of you. 

This is particularly important and has brought me many rewards. About four months after I began working for the Department of Labor and Industry, I completed an investigation early and went to Annapolis to visit with friends that I had made when I worked in the Speaker’s office. And who do I bump into but the Deputy Commissioner. After I stammered an explanation, he told me that he was there about a piece of legislation which was stuck on the committee chairman’s desk. I invited him to come with me to the Speaker’s office where my friend, Grace Donald held sway. When I told her our problem, she picked up the phone, called the committee chairman and said, “The Speaker wants this bill on the floor for a vote tomorrow morning.” Guess who the Deputy Commissioner chose as Chief when the position came open!

When Richie finishes a bridge demolition ahead of schedule so that the highway reopens ahead of schedule, who is called for the next bridge demolition? When Rachel comes to work ahead of schedule during a snow storm, what impression does this make on her supervisor? You can probably think of many instances in your experiences where this has occurred. I consider this advice among the best that my father gave to me.

In about five hours we will take off and be in Baltimore before five o’clock. I cannot tell you how excited we are to be seeing many of you in the next five days.

Patterns

It is amazing how we pattern our lives to live like our parents and grandparents. We observe their behavior, their traits, their ideals, discard that which we do not like and mimic those which we admire. There are traits that we do not admire yet we do not discard them. Often child abusers have been themselves abused and alcoholics have had an alcoholic parent. There are traits that we do not admire and do not mimic but later in our lifetimes, we come to the realization that they were correct.

My Father, William, was a strong individual with strong convictions. He insisted that I attend Baltimore Hebrew College after Bar Mitzvah. I did not have the basics for it and failed miserably after one year. He relented. He insisted that I attend University of Maryland, School of Pharmacy. I hated it; did well, finished the year but I hated it. Therefore I did not insist that my children attend college and stay there. Fortunately, they all turned out well, very well. But I should have insisted. He was generous with his time and his material possessions. Family was very important to him and we had relatives living with us, at no cost to them, until I was 13 years old. My grandmother and two maiden aunts had to go so my father and Uncle Dave rented and apartment for them and later bought a duplex on Wylie Avenue for them. He insisted that we children contribute to the household. I did not get paid for cutting the grass! Sound familiar?

William was honest. During World War II, he was manager of the Baltimore branch of the Independent Lock Company which manufactured locks and keys. They were in very short supply during the war, and he was offered bribes to sell them more than they were entitled to. He did not and sold the products evenly. Many times he stopped at a hardware store on his way home to adjust a key cutting machine at no cost to the hardware store. He was active in his synagogue, first Petach Tikvah on Denmore Avenue and then Beth Jacob. He gave ten years as a volunteer to Bais Yaacov School for Girls on Greenspring Avenue. My Mother, Esther, volunteered at Sinai Hospital, first on Baltimore Street and then on Greenspring Avenue for many, many years. (Ask Harry Zemel). She rode three different streetcars to get to Baltimore Street.

Many lessons my parents taught me stick in my mind. “If you are going to do something, do it right. It is no easier if you do it wrong.” “Do a little more than the boss expects you to do.” “Do not say or do something if it does not accomplish anything and self-satisfaction is not an accomplishment.”

My parents were thrifty. They were able to spend their retirement years without seeking financial help from their children.

So look at your parents and grandparents. You will eventually be their age and have similar circumstances. You will have a pattern to guide you; to mimic or reject.

Choose wisely.

The Engineer

My printer would not function. The green “E” for error appeared and the start button flashed red. I pushed all the buttons. Nothing! I checked the wires on the back; all tight and in place. It was obviously plugged in: the light was on. I opened the hatch to see if anything foreign was in there. Nothing! I wiggled the ink cartridges. They were in proper position. I am already thinking, “Who can I get to look at this thing?” I need the printer to write letters and address envelopes.

Sunday the newspaper came and I looked at the Office Depot and Staples ads. Printers are cheap; I can get a four-purpose machine for less than $60.00. I am thinking, “When Amy gets a chance I will ask her to go with me and buy one.”

This morning I got up and thought, “There is one last thing I can try.” I went into the office, stood in front of the printer and gave it a slap on the right side. It burped, gurgled, a page slid out and the red “E” light disappeared. It now functions.

Sometimes the old ways are the best ways.

I Become A Lawyer

At this point, I would like to ask our children, all thirteen of them, to contribute their stories and not wait until they are eighty-four years old. I am certain that their children would find them interesting.

When Bill Welsh found me in the Speaker’s office in early 1966, he was there to ask that a bill be introduced. Each year, for the past several years, he attempted to enact a law which would give the Division the authority to collect wages for employees who worked and were not paid the wages due. I had become friendly with many members of the Legislature. Among them were Alex Resnick, the Delegate from the 5th District in Baltimore City and Joseph Long, the State Senator from Salisbury on Maryland’s Eastern Shore. With the help of the Speaker’s secretary, Grace Donald and Alex Resnick and Joe Long, the bill was enacted and signed by the Governor. It was assigned to the Employment Standards Service for enforcement. The Chief, Arthur Williams, had no idea how to do this. I was called into the office to devise procedures. I created two forms; one a detailed form which gave a wage-hour investigator all the information needed to investigate and a second form with the bare essentials. The short form was sent was sent to the employer together with a letter. The letter told the employer that a claim had been filed by an employee or ex-employee that he had worked and was not paid the wages due. If the employer agreed that the wages were due, send a check and resolve the matter. If a check was not received within ten days, a wage-hour investigator would be at the employer’s place of business on (date) and (time) to discuss and resolve the claim. The workload of the Service greatly increased. At the time of my retirement in 1990, more than a million dollars was collected annually for employees who had filed claims. I was anxious to get back on the street where I could be back in the store by early afternoon.

When I became Chief in 1969 one of my duties was to interpret the laws assigned to the Service. For example; the Wage Collection Law applied to employees and employers. I was required to decide who was an employee and who was an independent contractor to whom the law did not apply. When I had questions, I would call one of my friends who was a lawyer. I hesitated to do this. When I discussed this with Momma, she suggested that I enroll in Law School and take a few courses until I could make these decisions without the assistance of my lawyer friends. So I enrolled in the Law School at the University of Baltimore. I began by taking two courses twice each week, at night. I left the office on Preston Street at 4:30 and walked over to the University of Baltimore on Charles Street. Momma picked me up at 10:00 o’clock, two evenings each week. At the end of the semester, I took two more courses and then two more courses. Suddenly, in 1975, I had eighty credits, enough to graduate and take the Bar Exam. I was in no hurry: becoming a member of the Bar would not increase my employment status. I took the Bar Exam in 1976 and was sworn in later that year. The swearing in was conducted at the Court of Appeals in Annapolis. Each new lawyer was given two tickets for guests to attend. I took Momma and Amy. After the ceremony, we walked to the State House and the Governor’s Office. Marvin Mandel had become Governor and Grace Donald had become the Governor’s Secretary. Unfortunately Marvin was not there but Grace took Amy into the Governor’s office and Amy sat in the Governor’s Chair behind the Governor’s desk. I showed Grace the Certificate I received and she offered to have it framed. It hangs over my desk on Mansfield Hollow Road.

By 1976, most of the children had moved into their own homes and apartments. My salary was sufficient and we no longer needed the earnings of the Kenmar Food Market. We sold the store and the building at 301 South Stricker Street and a new door opened for Momma.

Passover

For some 45 0r 50 years we made Pesach in our home. We cleansed the house of chometz and ate only foods that were certified “kosher for Passover.” We conducted a seder the first two nights. Our parents, grandparents, our children and always one or more family members or guests came. I conducted the service and Momma served the foods she had prepared for days. As our family grew, the attendees grew and there were usually at least thirty of us. As we grew older, we attended seders conducted by our children for their children. Because that is really the purpose of the seder; to teach the children that Avodim hoyenu l’Pharoh b’Mitryim: we were slaves to Pharoh in Egypt and to explain how we were brought out by the strong hand and outstretched arm of the Lord.

The service really begins when the young child asks why this night is different than all the other nights. Why can’t we eat challah and Jewish rye (with seeds, of course) and rolls with onions baked through them? Why do we have to eat this tasteless dry matzoh? And why do we have to eat this bitter stuff dipped in salt water instead of peas and corn and baked beans? And what is this charoseth stuff? And how come I don’t have to sit up straight but can lean to the side and relax? And what’s that piece of bone on that plate along with an egg and that other stuff?

Father holds up the piece of matzoh and explains that this is the “bread of affliction” eaten by the Hebrew slaves in Egypt. Joseph had risen from a slave to second in command to Pharoh and had invited his entire family of Hebrews to come to Egypt to live. They were few in numbers at the time. But over the years they prospered and grew. Pharoh died and another Pharoh ruled. He became afraid of the Hebrews; afraid that they would seize power and his throne. So he confiscated their property and enslaved them. The bitter stuff symbolizes the bitter life they led. The salt water symbolizes they tears that they shed. The charoseth symbolizes the mortar that they used to build cities for Pharoh. And we sit leaning and relaxed because that is how free people eat: relaxed and not fearful of the overseer’s whip.

Father goes on to tell how the Lord chose Moses to free the Hebrews and lead them out of Egypt to the “promised land.” How Pharoh refused to “let my people go!” How ten plagues were visited upon the people of Egypt. And how Pharoh agreed to allow the Hebrews to go out of Egypt only after the tenth plague which killed the first born of every living Egyptian and their beasts. That piece of bone is there so that we remember the lamb that was slaughtered and the blood of which was smeared on the door post of each Hebrew home so that the angel of death would “Passover” that home on the night of the killing of the first born. That is why we put a mezuzah on our door post. We remember the ten plagues by spilling a drop of wine for each plague. The Hebrews had to get out in a hurry and did not have time to let the dough rise for the bread that they were making. So they packed it up and carried it in the broiling sun. It baked into the hard stuff we now call matzoh. The egg symbolizes our hope in our children for the future.

Today our children are grown and married and have their own children and grandchildren for whom to conduct a seder. We are gratified to see them gather together to celebrate Passover and when possible, attend their seder. But that’s okay. That is how life progresses and that is how it should be. But we will continue to raise and drink our four glasses of wine and say, “L’chaim. To life!”

Regrets

At this point I would like to relate two incidents which, although occurring at two separate times many years apart, taught me the same valuable lesson. I never learned anything about my Father’s life prior to his arriving into the United States in 1914. I know that he came from the Ukraine in Russia and that is about all I know. I do not even know the city or town or village where he was born and lived. I know very little about his family. Did he have aunts and uncles and cousins? What did they do? What kind of people were they? I did not press him for that information and I probably did not ask very much. Today I deeply REGRET this.

Marc decided to move to Reno from Washington D.C. where he had been employed as the locksmith at George Washington University. Momma and I were helping him pack his belongings in a U-Haul trailer when I asked, “Would you like me to drive with you?” It would turn out to be one of the best questions that I ever asked. The experience was a great one for both of us. And surprisingly, I do not remember much about the trip. I remember that the trailer tipped over on the Capitol Beltway minutes after we started the trip. I remember running out of gas at night in Wyoming.(Marc blamed me although he was driving.) I remember checking the trailer hitch on the shores of the Great Salt Lake in Utah. And I remember wrestling that ungodly heavy sofa up the stairs to his second floor apartment in Reno. We left on a Friday night and arrived in Reno on Tuesday afternoon. Those four days had a deep effect on our relationship ever since and for the better. I have no REGRETS about accompanying Marc on his migration to Reno.

If there is something that you want to do or should do and can do, do it! Give it serious consideration (or conserious sideration as Risa used to say) and if the answer is “yes”, do it! There will come a time when you will not be able to do it. Don’t put yourself in the position where you must say, “ I wish I had……” For that time will surely come and you will have REGRETS.